The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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