a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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