She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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