I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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