next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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