Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
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Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
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I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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