i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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