I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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