I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize