woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize