i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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