How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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