booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Come on in and take your pants off
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