tell your sister to shave her snatch
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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