woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize