my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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