she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize