Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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