It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
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I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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