the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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