Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize