Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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