Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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