Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were birth control emojis
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize