she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
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They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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