Are we in a gay sports bar?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize