I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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