Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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