11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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