he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
and you fell through a lawn chair
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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