she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize