do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize