I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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