everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize