My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
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I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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