Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
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We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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