My sheets look like a crime scene.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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