Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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