I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
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Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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