Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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