just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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