I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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