While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize