The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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