I'm sorry my penis didn't work
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize