I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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