he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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