I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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