I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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