also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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