Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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