He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
